I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
