he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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