i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
