It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
