$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
