Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
