im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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