he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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