Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize