Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
