Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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