WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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