Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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