I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
