Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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