I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
