I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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