I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize