This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
