your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I want to have your abortion
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
