if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the condom got lost in my hair
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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