Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
