Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
