we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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