Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize