Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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