I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
