brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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