I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
