i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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