I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
