No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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