I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your penis caused this!
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