Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I need a burrito and a hug.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
