All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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