3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
