Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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