Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
