So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
