Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
