If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
