an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
