Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
