We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
