I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
