I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
