Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
