Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
