I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The Olympian is in my bed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize