Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
