got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize