Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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