So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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