its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
