Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
