Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So squirting runs in the family.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
