...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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