I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
