ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
