He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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