The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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