I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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