How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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