what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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