i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
