so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
