There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
