how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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