you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
