omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
