WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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