I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
