That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
